Feral_Despair Read online

  “I choose,” he growled, something dark flashing in the depths of his eyes that made me recoil as my heart slammed into my throat. But I wasn’t quick enough, and he snatched me by the neck before I could get off the mattress. His big hand closed around the top part of my throat and jaw, squeezing just tight enough to labor my breathing.

  I gasped and clawed at his hand with my fingers, the panic I’d managed to settle since the return of his speech ramping up tenfold as I stared wide-eyed at the furious alpha.

  “Mate,” he snarled, blazing eyes narrowed. “Mine.” And then he reached out with his free hand and touched my chest exactly where the thing buried behind my ribs was squirming anxiously.

  “Bond.”

  I blinked, my frantic clawing at his fingers around my throat stilling. “B-bond?”

  “Bond,” he repeated, voice firm as he touched his hand to his own chest right underneath his heart. “Mate.”

  The mating bond.

  I’d always thought it was a metaphoric bond—a feeling. A promise.

  But the thing in my chest—that was physical. There was something there that hadn’t been there before. Like a hook, or a… a rope.

  A bond.

  I stared mutely at his hand fisted against his chest in the exact spot where I could feel it behind my own ribs.

  Our mating bond.

  “Why?” I croaked, fighting back tears I didn’t fully understand. It was as if up until then I’d thought there was some sort of escape clause—some possibility that what had happened to me wasn’t permanent. As if him claiming me while we were both drugged out of our minds would mean we weren’t truly mated. Not in the real sense. Not… not for life.

  But the physicality of it—of suddenly understanding that the thing I’d felt in my chest since waking up after our first mating was his bond. His claim on my body. On my life… The finality of it came crashing in over me until I felt like I was drowning, the only thing keeping me above water the strength of his hand against my windpipe forcing me to feel every breath wheezing in and out of my lungs.

  “You chose this? Why?”

  “Mine,” he repeated, as if that was all the explanation needed.

  “No!” I snarled, the panic inside of me melting into rage. I clawed at his hand, gritting my teeth with the effort of freeing myself. “I’m not something you own! I don’t want a mate! Let go of me!”

  Fury so intense it overshadowed my own blazed in his eyes as he got to his feet in the blink of an eye, taking me with him by my throat. But before the sharp pull on my neck became painful, he threw me down on the mattress on my back.

  “Mine,” he ground out as he stood above me, muscles bulging in response to the fury in his eyes.

  And that was when I saw it.

  The mass of flesh between his thighs was hardening rapidly, expanding into an angry, flushed pole.

  All my anger withered at the sight, pure terror overtaking me instead. My poor sex clenched at the sight, pangs of agony resounding deep in my abused abdomen.

  “No…”

  He fell on top of me, immobilizing my frantic attempts at crawling backward and away as he pinned my body to the mattress with his huge bulk.

  “No, please!” I beat at his shoulders to get him off me, but I might as well have been smacking a rock for all the reaction I got. Ignoring me as if I had no more strength than a newborn kitten, 351 forced my thighs apart and seated his hips between them, letting that brutal cock head kiss my still swollen opening.

  “Submit,” he growled, the anger in his eyes even more prominent in his gravelly voice. “Now!”

  “I will, I will!” I gasped, forcing myself to stop fighting. “Just please, don’t. I beg you, please—it hurts so much!”

  He frowned at me, eyes still narrowed. “Hurts?”

  “Y-you’re too big,” I whispered, the first tingles of relief that he wasn’t forcing his way in yet calming my frantic heart just a smidge.

  “Fits,” he growled, rocking his hips so the broad pole trapped between us slid up between my lower lips, rubbing over my clit.

  The wet sound it made made me realize I was slickening up for him again, as if my body didn’t care that another rutting like yesterday’s would likely leave me with a permanent limp.

  I grimaced. “You hurt me. I’m sore, and I don’t want it again. Please.”

  351 growled, but didn’t advance, which gave me enough time to think of another defense for my poor, swollen nethers.

  “We can’t keep having sex—my birth control will be out of my system soon. I-If you take me again, I might become pregnant.”

  The first glimmer of true hesitance showed on his face. “Pregnant?”

  “Yes. W-we can’t let that happen. You don’t know what they’d do to a baby here. Please.”

  The alpha above me moved a hand between our bodies, placing it over my stomach in a protective gesture that made an odd sensation of warmth hum in the bond hooked in my chest.

  When he looked at me again, the darkness in his eyes was gone. “Don’t fight. Submit.”

  “I am, “I whispered.

  “No.” It was a small growl. “I… need… you. You fight, I need. Pregnant. Submit. I need you… less.”

  Oh. I stared at him wide-eyed when it dawned on me what he was trying to say. Flashes of my stepdad and how only cowering and begging forgiveness would pull him out of his rages filled my mind. My mother had called it his alpha mood when she’d dabbed witch hazel on my bruises after he’d left to cool off at the nearest bar.

  It would seem that for 351, challenging his dominance brought out other kinds of urges.

  So that was why he’d been so rough last night. I’d fought him.

  “How?” I croaked.

  Instead of answering, he bent his mouth to my throat, forcing my head back so he could close his teeth around it.

  I lay still, heart pounding in my chest as he growled low, showing me his dominance over my existence.

  I closed my eyes and thought of how I’d promised myself to never let an alpha dominate me the way my mother had let my stepdad dominate her. He’d ruled her life, and mine along with it.

  I kept my eyes squeezed shut while the alpha who’d claimed me as his mate brought his hand to his cock and stroked himself to release, his teeth remaining clamped around my throat while I tried not to cry.

  4

  351

  The weekends when his captors only showed up with food and the lab outside his cell was otherwise abandoned had been their own form of torture up until now.

  While he was allowed rest and not injected with whatever the fuck they used to suppress his mind during the week, it was also the time when there was nothing to do. Nothing but to wait for them to return and resume their twisted experiments.

  He rubbed the stubble on his skull with both hands as he paced back and forth in front of the bars of his prison, trying to force the fog around his mind to lift completely. It was useless, of course. It had only worked for his first few weeks on the drugs—these days, coming back from them was getting harder and harder.

  He glanced at the female curled up at the far end of the cell. She’d dragged the mattress over so she could lean against the wall, and was now watching him warily as she sat with her arms wrapped around her knees.

  Animal urges stirred at the base of his spine and transferred to his cock, and he grunted as he forced his gaze from her again. She was the reason he had to come back this time. Every instinct in his body was roaring to flip her over and fuck her raw again, the memory of her sweet cunt clamping and milking him through the night enough for the fog to thicken over his mind.

  If they’d been anywhere else, he wouldn’t have bothered to fight against his natural urge to solidify their bond until it was ironclad. He was alpha—the prospect of a mate heavy with child only meant he was doing what nature had intended. And with time, she would become used to taking him. She had complained of it hurting when he rutted her, but he knew the truth in
the way her body sang under his. She enjoyed their matings as much as he did.

  But they weren’t free, and he was incapable of protecting her from their captors already. He’d understood the full terror of his inability to save her in those precious seconds before the scent of her heat hit his nostrils when he saw her tied to the breeding post like so many females before her. If she were pregnant…

  The bond hooked in his chest squeezed painfully, and he brought a hand from his head to rub at it, rolling his shoulders in an attempt to ease the animal instincts threatening to overtake his mind again.

  “W-Why are you growling? I-Is someone there?”

  351 paused and looked at the now trembling female clutching herself tighter.

  Only then did he realize he was snarling, the anger roiling in his gut spilling out through his throat.

  “No one,” he rasped. “Calm.”

  Despite being coated in his semen, the smell of her fear still permeated the air in the cell, wreaking havoc on his nervous system. Everything in him roared to fight and protect, but their enemy was out of reach.

  351 went back to pacing, staring at the bars as he searched for a weakness in them he knew wasn’t there.

  His mate was quiet until one of the guards brought their evening meal.

  351 snarled the entire time the man was within sight, blocking the female’s body with his own. This guard was an alpha, one who’d shot 351 during their attempted escape, and he reeked of aggression.

  “I don’t know why you fucks act so damn ungrateful,” the guard growled as he shoved the food through. “You should be dead, yet here you are, handed a fuckin’ mate. How ‘bout some goddamn gratitude, you stupid sonuvabitch?”

  351 bared his teeth, his snarl deepening as he stared down the aggressor. He didn’t let up until the man spat on the floor and walked on to antagonize another alpha in one of the cages out of 351’s sight.

  “Is everyone here a monster?”

  He turned to look at his female, frowning at her question. “Everyone… but you.” She was the only one to ever show him any kindness, and definitely the only one to attempt to break him out. Even if he now wished she hadn’t.

  “There has to be someone who will help us,” she said, even though he could see the doubt in her beautiful blue eyes. “Someone who will realize how inhumane this is.”

  He grabbed the tray of food and carried it over to the mattress—it wasn’t how his instincts wanted to provide for her, but it was the best he could do. He crouched down by her side, ignoring how she flinched away from him when he reached for her, even if it tore painfully at the bond in his chest and made his instincts howl. Gently, he traced the curve of her cheek, yearning to soothe the broken desperation thrumming through their bond since she woke up.

  Her eyelids fluttered, lashes lowering as heat rose to her face at his attentions, and a faint rose blush colored her cheeks. It reminded him of the evening she had come to his cage and cared for his wounds.

  “I… should wash. Before dinner,” she said, swallowing thickly as she got to her feet.

  He frowned, eyes roaming her body. “Eat.”

  “I will. After. I’m… sticky. I don’t want to eat like this.” She avoided his gaze as she walked to the small sink by the toilet.

  He growled, displeased that she wanted to remove his scent, but her flinching at the sound and the pungent stench of fear made him quiet. In the back of his mind, somewhere past the fog, he remembered a time before this place. A time when females prided themselves on their appearance. His mate came from that world. She wasn’t a slave to her instincts like he was, despite how willingly her body responded to his call.

  He watched her as she cleaned her skin in the cold water, the tightening of her nipples while she scrubbed at his semen making his cock ache. She was beautiful, his mate. He’d thought as much since the first time he saw her. He remembered the jolt of surprise that something so beautiful and pure had entered his own personal hell.

  But of course, even this his captors had managed to taint with their evil.

  His bond gave a searing pulse as he watched his mate return to the mattress and start eating, careful not to look at him too much. His mind was always clearer on the second day without the drugs, but right now, he wished it wasn’t. Because seeing the female he’d claimed so scared and dirty, without clothes or even a blanket to warm her body… and knowing he couldn’t care for her and protect her like an alpha should? That was torture.

  Once they were both done eating, and she once more wrapped her arms around herself for warmth, he pulled her against his body and—despite her protests—curled up on the mattress, ensuring his body covered hers. He might not be able to protect her from the horrors that awaited them both, but he could keep her warm. And, at least for a few hours, calm.

  Burying his nose in her hair to mask the sterility of the lab and the aggression of other nearby alphas, he forced a purr from his chest.

  The tightness in their bond immediately eased and her body went soft underneath him, making the sound easier to produce.

  He was still purring for her when sleep finally claimed him some long hours later.

  5

  Lillian

  “Get over here, you dumb brute. I’m not in the mood!”

  The angry voice ripped me from the bliss of dead sleep, underlined by a deep, furious growl rolling around me.

  I blinked the sleep from my eyes and lifted my head. Once again, I found myself completely encased by hard muscle. 351.

  The thunderous vibrations against my back told me with all possible clarity that the growl was coming from him.

  “Lillian—get that thick alpha over here before I have to bring the taser. Trust me, no one’s going to have a good day if I have to knock him out.”

  The vaguely familiar voice made me look over 351’s bulging arm. Despite the alpha’s best efforts to cocoon me entirely with his own flesh, I caught a glimpse of the speaker. Kenneth. The lab assistant—and up until last Friday, my colleague.

  “What are you doing?” I asked groggily, my tongue thick in my throat from sleep.

  “It’s time for his injections,” he said, impatient as he eyed his wristwatch. “Dr. Axell is expecting you both in twenty minutes, so please don’t make this hard.”

  “Oh, I am sorry your Monday’s not living up to expectations,” I hissed. “Wouldn’t want to keep the esteemed doctor waiting.”

  “It’s going to be worse if you don’t comply,” Kenneth sighed. “Just… trust me. It’s in your best interest to get that stupid alpha to cooperate.”

  As much as I hated my former colleague for how un-horrified he seemed, I didn’t miss the warning. After what we’d gone through this weekend, I didn’t doubt Dr. Axell would punish both of us if we resisted whatever sick plans he had for his newly mated prize alpha.

  “You need to let him inject you,” I said, keeping my voice soft to break through the alpha’s unrelenting growl. “It’s no use fighting. Not now.”

  351 didn’t move, his bulk still pressing me firmly into the mattress and his growl rolling through the cell, warning the other male off.

  “Please… they’re gonna hurt us more if we don’t,” I whispered, not wanting Kenneth to hear how scared I was of what was going to happen today.

  351’s growl finally quieted, ending in an angry huff. He pressed his nose to the side of my face, constricting his arms around me… and I got the sense that he was trying to comfort me. Promise me it would be okay, even if we both knew it wouldn’t.

  In that moment, for the first time since waking up in this damned cell, I was grateful he was there with me.

  Gently, I touched his arm. “Come.”

  He lifted off me then, slowly, reluctance clear in every line of his body as he unfolded and made his way to the bars.

  “Arm,” Kenneth said while I tried to hide my nudity behind my hands. I might have spent the weekend naked with 351, but this was different. This was a former colleague—a r
eminder of the life I’d lost. Of when I was still someone who could expect to be treated like a human being.

  351 turned to the bars and allowed Kenneth to jab a needle into his bicep. He glared at the lab assistant the entire time, and I didn’t miss how Kenneth avoided his gaze. It was apparent that the alpha’s anger had the same effect on beta males as it did me, even from the other side of sturdy metal bars.

  The cell seemed colder as I huddled up on the mattress, looking at 351 and waiting for the drugs to take effect.

  It wasn’t long.

  Kenneth kept an eye on his watch until maybe five minutes had passed. Then he glanced up at me. “Stand back while we collar him, okay? It’s rarely a quiet affair, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  I bit my tongue to stop a derisive snort from escaping my throat. If they truly cared about whether or not I was hurt, they wouldn’t have locked me up with a feral alpha over the weekend, nor forced a mating. But I was too worried about what lay ahead to bicker, so I got to my feet and pressed myself up against the far wall, hands still clamped across my chest and nether region. “Can I have some clothes? Please? I don’t… want to walk through the lab naked.”

  A twinge of what could have been shame shone in Kenneth’s eyes for the briefest moment. It was gone before I was even sure that was what I’d seen.

  “Sorry, no clothes. Dr. Axell’s orders.”

  He really was a creep. I recalled Gloria’s name for him—Dr. Pervert. It wasn’t hard to guess how he’d earned that one.

  “Stand back now,” Kenneth warned, as he turned around and called to someone I couldn’t see. Not that I had to wait long to find out.