Feral_Despair Read online

  Apparently, I was getting hand-fed.

  Hesitantly, I parted my lips.

  His growl quieted, and then he more or less shoved his fingers into my mouth.

  I did my best not to gag, partly from the force of it, and partly from the gross taste of unseasoned mush violating my tongue.

  “Thanks,” I choked out. “I can take it from here, though—you need to eat too.”

  Another growl made me grimace and obediently open my mouth for a second scoop of stew.

  351 fed me until I was well and truly full—nearly half the portion of the giant mountain of food—and my gag reflex was threatening rebellion. Only then did he relent, turning his attention to his own hunger as I sagged on the mattress in faint relief. I didn’t know much about alpha mating rituals, but clearly he had some dumb animal instinct to feed what he considered his female.

  I curled up in fetal position with my back to 351 and let my fingertips ghost over the still-sore bite on my nape. From what little I knew about alpha matings, they were supposed to be very special. Like… gaining a soulmate. At least, for the couples entering into it voluntarily. I’d heard a few rumors, urban legends, really, about alphas forcing a mating bond on a woman after raping them. But I’d never put much stock into such gossip—it seemed so far-fetched that anyone, even the most vicious of alphas, would corrupt a bond meant to be so pure.

  As I touched my own claiming mark, it dawned on me that perhaps what alphas had told us about their claims wasn’t entirely true. I didn’t feel my soul singing, nor did I feel any special bond to the alpha who’d fucked me raw while I’d been tied down. I just felt…

  I cut myself off before I delved into the emotions welling behind the thin veil of willpower I was currently using to keep myself together. If I started delving into my emotions, I’d lose the grasp on my sanity.

  I lay in silence, doing my best to think of absolutely nothing until 351 was finally done eating. He pushed away the tray with a shriek of metal on concrete, and then the mattress dipped as he lay down behind me. He curved his body against my back and slung one of his huge arms around my midriff.

  I closed my eyes as I involuntarily relaxed upon making contact with his warmth. Clearly the lab was kept at a comfortable temperature for alphas, as they ran hotter than the rest of us.

  He wrapped me up in the cocoon of his warmth and bulky protection, and I couldn’t help my amused snort at the fact that the feral alpha locked away for treason and murder was apparently a big cuddler.

  351 rumbled in response and buried his face in my hair.

  I tried to ignore the way he sniffed at me, drawing in lungfuls of my scent, and focused on the warmth of his embrace instead. Like before, I knew that as long as I didn’t think—as long as I just focused on the comfort of his heat, I’d be able to keep it together until I was able to process what had happened to me.

  Only that wasn’t what the alpha had in mind.

  I’d managed to doze off into light sleep when 351 cupped one of my breasts, startling me awake.

  I bit my lip as his thick fingers brushed over my nipple, shooting sensation through my body as his hard pole of flesh rose against my back.

  I thought about pushing him away, but knew I’d never be able to fight him off if he was determined.

  It took everything I had to keep my breathing slow and steady as he plucked at my nipple. I pretended I was still sleeping, knowing that was the only defense I had.

  I didn’t blame him for what he’d done to me last night. He wasn’t in control—the bastards drugging him out of his mind had made sure of that—and even now, as I lay stiff, heart pounding with increasing fear as his hands further explored my body, I didn’t blame him. But that didn’t stop the tears from trickling down my cheeks when he found the softness between my legs and—seemingly without effort—pried my thighs apart.

  His first touch to my clit shot a bolt of sensation through my pelvis sharp enough to make me jolt. All pretenses of sleep fled at the tremble he inspired in my body.

  351 rumbled against my ear, his mouth pressing to my jaw and then down the back of my neck toward my mark as he stroked me.

  I wasn’t ready for it, my folds still dry and closed like reluctant petals, and my mind was blank with mounting panic. His touch was too raw against my bud of nerves, too direct.

  “It hurts!” I gasped, finally breaking through the panic at the too-intense rubbing of my most sensitive spot. My hands moved to his of their own accord, grasping onto his wrist to still his movements.

  Teeth clamped shut around my nape, so immediate and mercilessly I didn’t even flinch before my body went lax.

  351 growled approvingly, never releasing his grasp on my neck, and let his fingers press in harder against my clit.

  Unable to resist this time, let alone stop him, I whimpered pleadingly as he rubbed it slowly again and again, coaxing it out from its protective hood despite my hips jerking in protest. Only when it was fully swollen against his touch did he finally relent, sliding his two fingers lower between my flushed lips, spreading them apart until he reached my entrance.

  I grimaced against the expected pain of dry penetration when he dipped them inside, but the stretch was slick and felt… good.

  He pumped his finger into me a few times, the lewd sounds emitting from my sex making me draw a shuddering breath just as he returned his focus to my clit.

  This time, there was no pain.

  I jerked and moaned when he rubbed his now dripping wet fingers across my little bud, zings of ecstasy shooting through my pelvis.

  God, it felt… I panted and groaned as he rubbed me hard and fast, my body tensing despite his strong jaw keeping me still, and I knew what was coming.

  My orgasm rocked through me, making me arch against the alpha as I moaned in pleasure. It came in short, hard pulses, flooding my mind until I finally collapsed onto the mattress in an exhausted heap. 351 released his grip on my neck and pulled back.

  Endorphins danced in my blood as I let my hooded gaze meet his.

  He stared down at me, green-blue eyes dark with desire, and for a moment I was filled with gratitude that he had ensured my pleasure despite my initial reluctance. He could have easily torn into me like the savage beast he was.

  He didn’t let me bask in gratitude for long.

  Apparently content he’d prepared me enough, he pushed me to my stomach, and before I could think to crawl away, he settled his huge bulk between my spread thighs, trapping me with a firm grip on my hips.

  A rough yank, and I was on my knees, and my heart burst into overdrive when his huge cock pressed right up against my splayed nether lips.

  2

  351

  His female whimpered, the fragrance of her fear sharp enough to pierce the delicious aroma of her desire.

  He growled, frustrated that his attempt to calm her had failed, and pushed her head down to the mattress, clamping his hand around the back of her neck in the way that made females relax.

  She twitched, fighting his hold, but finally succumbed with a small whine.

  There.

  She was dripping between her legs as he pushed his blunt cock against her silky softness, her body ready and flowering open despite her reluctance to submit.

  Why did she fight him? She was his! His to take, his to mate—his to calm with his strength and virility.

  Grunting with equal amounts of raw lust and frustration, he penetrated her weeping opening and was immediately greeted with the tight, wet heat of her cunt pulsing frantically around the rim of his cock head.

  He groaned with overwhelming pleasure and tightened his hold on the little thing’s neck when she squealed and lurched forward. Holding her firmly in place, he gritted his teeth and pushed through her body’s resistance, forcing his cock all the way in until her bottom smacked against his hips and he’d impaled her completely.

  She babbled something—he couldn’t focus on her words through the bliss ringing in his ears—and reached back
, attempting to push at his stomach.

  The alpha growled, a flash of irritation that she still refused to submit completely burning through his pleasure—and fueling it.

  But she could fight if she wanted—he had her conquered now, and it was only a matter of time before she realized that too. Time, and a hard enough rutting to settle her end of their fresh pair-bond. He could feel her in his chest where the bond was hooked, her fear and uncertainty, and he knew with every instinct in his body that she needed to surrender before the bond would be satisfied.

  Roaring, he snapped his hips, eliciting another howl from the small woman as her left hand clawed feebly at his abs. He grabbed it and forced it to the mattress next to where he had her neck pinned, using his hold to gain even deeper access to her fluttering core.

  And then, finally, he fucked her. Thoroughly.

  She wasn’t as wet and open as the last time he’d been inside of her, wasn’t in heat like before, but though her cunt clutched painfully tight on him for every thrust, it was only a few moments before the slick between her thighs allowed him to rut her as fast and hard as his cock needed. It was as if her body knew how to open for her alpha now and only needed a reminder before it obeyed. The first time had been a battle for every thrust, until his knot had hooked behind her pelvic bone.

  Finally, some long minutes of excruciating pleasure later, she stopped fighting.

  He growled in triumph when her body stopped straining against his hold, her muscles softening under his hands. He released her neck and wrists to finally grab at her hips. She’d submitted, even if reluctantly so—it was time to reward her with what they both craved.

  But when he picked up the pace, his female moaned hoarsely—and then she widened her legs and arched her back, pushing back against his aggression with the smallest of movements.

  True surrender.

  He wasn’t prepared for the rush of mind-shattering ecstasy splintering through his head in response. Black desire darkened his vision, his knot swelling hard and fast. It was instinct alone that let him push it past her straining lips before it became too engorged.

  She screamed, the pain stronger in her voice than when he’d first penetrated her, and he had to clamp his arms and legs around her and push her bucking body against the mattress with the bulk of his own torso to stop her from lurching forward in her desperation to escape his knot.

  Grunting at the electric currents of rapture sparking up his spine as he began to come in powerful spurts, he rocked his hips forward, ensuring his still-swelling knot pushed through the tight spot in her pelvis that caused her to sob and shake in the prison of his arms.

  He felt it the second his tie locked where it was supposed to, like a puzzle piece snapping into place.

  And so did she.

  She jolted hard underneath him, a gasp escaping her in a dry croak—and then her cunt clamped down tight, snapping shut around him like a vise.

  They groaned together as her pink inners locked on his knot, the pleasure so strong he could hardly move. But he did, knowing what she needed from her alpha.

  Gritting his teeth, he ground his hips against her, forcing his knot into the ribbed flesh along her frontal wall fluttering against his pulsing girth.

  The little female screamed again, but this time, there was no pain lancing through his ears.

  She jerked and bucked uselessly, but it wasn’t to escape his brutal penetration. Her body ground on his knot, riding it hard as a rough orgasm tore through her small frame. Her cunt gushed for him, making the rocking motion draining his cock for its seed slick and smooth.

  Her climax lasted a long while, peaking and ebbing like waves on the ocean as her cunt forced pleasurable shivers almost too intense to bear through his engorged cock.

  He groaned with her when her tight heat pulsed on him yet again, crooning praise when she gushed another trickle of slick to ease the coupling.

  Though he searched the dazed echoes of his memories, he could think of nothing that had felt like this—like being buried balls-deep in the woman he’d known was his mate since they’d first locked eyes. And nothing else ever would.

  It wasn’t a conscious thought, but an instinctive knowledge that went all the way to his marrow. They’d punished him for rejecting another, but no pain could ever compare to the primal knowledge of having found his mate at last.

  When she finally stilled, her tears dry on her cheeks and her whimpers of pleasure fading to deep, shuddering breaths, his knot finally released its tie on her battered depths.

  In their bond, he felt her exhaustion and the sweet song of her satiation, but as the silence spread in their cell, he sensed a dull flicker of her fear pulse unpleasantly in their bond as well.

  He rutted her again then, his body heavy on her back and his cock hard between her thighs, knotting her deeply when she surrendered her pleasure to him once more.

  And again. And again. And again, until finally, some long hours later, there was nothing but submission humming through her end of their bond.

  3

  Lillian

  The next time I woke up, it was definitely my aching muscles that first grabbed my attention.

  I groaned at the dull throbbing between my thighs, wincing as I tried to move into a more comfortable position.

  A questioning grunt sounded next to my ear, the warm, heavy press on top of me moving slightly to accommodate me.

  I stilled, even as my heart quickened as 351 rubbed his nose against the side of my head, a lump of panic forming in my hoarse throat. “Please. Please, don’t. It hurts so much. Please.”

  351 made a noise of displeasure, then clamped his jaws around the base of my nape. It wasn’t hard enough to agitate the scabs from his claiming bite; just enough that the trigger points there sent a calming rush of endorphins through my blood.

  It helped quell my mounting panic just enough. I breathed raggedly, but deeply underneath him, forcing oxygen through my lungs until he deemed me calm enough and finally let go again.

  “Food.” His voice was rough, barely more than a growl, but it was a word.

  Despite his still huge and naked body on top of mine, an overpowering rush of relief crashed over me. His humanity was returning.

  “Y-yes. I’m hungry,” I said.

  He grunted and lifted off me, exposing my skin to the cool air. Goosebumps immediately crawled up my arms and down my torso at the loss of his heat, but I still breathed easier without his closeness and scent filling my nostrils.

  There had been pleasure when he mounted me, but it had come with a lot of pain. On some level, I would almost have preferred it to just be agony and nothing else, because then it would have been easier to deal with. Now…

  I forced myself to turn over so I could keep a wary eye on 351 as he crouched down to pick up a tray by the cell door. Breakfast must have arrived while I was out cold.

  Some might call what he’d done to me last night rape. I might have too, were it not for the pleasure that had coursed through me with every rough thrust 351 made into my protesting core. But despite everything, despite how much his brutal cock had hurt me, the fact that he had ensured my body’s enjoyment meant I couldn’t ignore what I’d known since the first time he took me: he was a slave to his instincts. If I’d had no choice in what happened to me, he’d had even less.

  At least I’d signed the contract that landed me here of my own free will. He’d had no say when they stripped him of his humanity.

  But that didn’t mean I didn’t shrink back when he walked back to the mattress, tray in hand, and the hugeness of him reminded my aching body of the strength and ferociousness he’d taken me with while I’d howled and sobbed for mercy.

  351 frowned down at me, clearly displeased, and I clasped my hand to the back of my neck with an involuntary whimper.

  But instead of forcing me into submission again, he set the tray in front of me and went to fill our cups from the sink, and I breathed a shaky sigh of relief. Perhaps the return of h
is speech, however limited, meant he was capable of fighting whatever primitive alpha instincts were telling him to put his female in her place.

  He returned with our now filled cups, placing mine on the floor next to my end of the mattress before he sat down on the other side of the tray.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  351 grunted. “Eat.”

  Seemed I was allowed to feed myself today, then.

  I picked up one of the chunks of bread and carefully dipped it into what looked like leftover stew from yesterday, making sure not to brush against the alpha’s hands as he dove in.

  We ate in silence, but even though I made sure to keep my eyes on the food, I could feel his gaze on me the whole time. When I finally dared a glance at his face, it became clear that he was studying me. His eyes tracked every move I made, every flutter of my hands as I tried to stop them from shaking.

  “Why?”

  I drew in a sharp breath at the unexpected sharpness of his voice cracking between us.

  “Why… help? Risk…” he growled, clearly irritated with his limited vocabulary.

  “They were hurting you,” I said, flashes of his bloodied back finally easing my hands’ trembling. The reminder that I was in here because I had tried to put a stop to the horrors I’d seen somehow soothed me. Despite everything, it had been worth it, because I couldn’t have turned my back on this. “All of you, the women too. I couldn’t let them continue.”

  “Dumb.” The word was spoken with so much anger, my heart picked up speed in another uneasy pitter-patter. “In danger. Can’t protect.”

  “I know I can’t protect anyone when I’m in here too, but I couldn’t have gone to the media without proof. Pictures wouldn’t have been enough, they had to see—“

  “No,” he interrupted me, agitation drawing his lip up in a silent snarl. “Females don’t protect. I protect! Mate.”

  “Oh.” I swallowed hard. I guessed now was as good a time as any to straighten a few things out. “Look, I know… I know you can’t help being all wrapped up in instincts. It’s not your fault—it’s the drugs. Like I couldn’t help… the heat. They drugged me too. What happened between us. The… the bite. It wasn’t our decision. I know that, and deep down you must too. I am not your mate. Not really. We didn’t choose—“